CAN SOMEONE TAKE CHARGE OF THE HUMAN RACE PLEASE?

We all love the idea of free will and all that blah. But I don’t think we humans can any longer be trusted to make our own decisions. We’ve been left to our own devices since forever and while our ancestors may have been more community minded - feeding, clothing and hunting for the whole tribe (or not, I have no idea obviously) - we no longer give a tiny little rat’s arse about anyone except ourselves.

Every day I hear of another giraffe being shot for a laugh by a rich dentist and an elephant dies because some tool on holiday fancies a photo. Dogs are skinned alive because someone said it makes the meat taste better if they die in pain. Whales choke to death because there’s more plastic in the sea than salt. Baby chicks are hurled onto a conveyor belt by the bargain bucket load because we all want meat every day but only want it to cost a pound.

Kids are smashing each other to pieces in the playground because they live on sugar and iphones from two years old and can’t control themselves. We’re far too busy and important to feed them properly or teach them patiently. 

We must have a big shiny car that doesn’t fit in a supermarket car parking space because that’s what makes us worthwhile. And we must be able to fly to Africa for less than the cost of filling it up. We must drive it back and forth, back and forth all day, every day because it is essential that we get everywhere as fast as possible and we can’t Bluetooth our ipods on the bus. 

When I was a kid, roast chicken was a Sunday treat, salmon was for weddings and wine was only drunk on special occasions. No one felt it was their right to holiday in ever-further-off places. But now we feel we deserve winter sun as well as skiing.  People without a job consider it a human right to have the smartest smart phone and the latest HD curved screen plasma TV.

We want five tops for a fiver so when we’re bored of them next week we can bin them and get more. We want chia seeds shipped in from Timbuctoo. We throw away half-used lipsticks and apples with bruises.  There are hundreds of sheep in the fields around me but the shops only sell lamb shipped from New Zealand. 

We need to be stopped.

Everyone should be made to read the final chapter of the Bone Clocks, by David Mitchell. (Yes, you read that right. No choice. Made to). In his vision, only a few years from now, everything has run out. It is impossible to speak to your relatives far away in Dorset, let alone visit them. Gangs are looting everything from the solar panels on the roof to the communal food banks where food is distributed fairly. It is too dangerous to travel anywhere on foot. People with asthma die because there is no way to make inhalers. Children listen wide-eyed to the tales their grandparents (that’s us by the way) tell of the ‘olden days’ when anyone who wanted to could fly to the other side of the world. 

So I suggest we are restricted to only using our cars every other day. There must be a cap on gas and electricity use. Food should be rationed like it was in the war. We’d be fitter and better off, rainforests might exist outside of old picture books and there’d be a slim chance of eking out the planet’s resources

I know what you’re thinking. I know you hate the idea; you think I’m mad. But that’s the problem. You refuse to restrict yourself, won’t put up with the slightest inconvenience for the sake of future generations. You think I’m exaggerating, that it’s never going to happen.

For the sake of my grandchildren and all the tiny chicks who fell off the conveyor belt and got squashed, I hope you’re right.